Someone recently said to me, “It’s getting heavy.” So I jumped at my chance of being supportive and promptly replied, “Really? Don’t worry, you still look fine. I didn’t even realise you put on any weight.”
Oh boy, if looks could kill… Of course she was talking about my blog, not herself. After all, she was staring so intently at her laptop and my blog was up on the screen. That should have been my biggest clue, shouldn’t it?
So after some dirty looks, my failed protests at innocence and countless apologies (Yes, I am so sorry. But still it was a little funny, no? Hehe. Okay then.), here I am trying to come up with something to make up for my moment of stupidity. I racked my brains, and I remembered something that deeply amused me. I was surfing the net a few days ago when I came across a news article like no other.
A Taiwanese man, surnamed Yuan, was threatening to sue a casino (Venetian) in Las Vegas for feng shui sabotage. Yuan claimed that the Venetian used feng shui to turn his luck, causing him to go from winning 400,000 US dollars to losing two million US dollars. How did the Venetian do that? By placing white towels in front of Yuan’s suite and turning on two large fans facing his room. Yuan filed a complaint and demanded the cancellation of his two-million-dollar debt.
Wow. I am impressed. This is the kind of man we want doing our ‘gambling addiction’ advertisements. Not the poor loser we keep having to watch on television all the time. You know…the guy who just can’t seem to stop borrowing money from his little daughter. After a while it just gets annoying, and seriously, how much money can a little kid have?
That got me thinking… what about us common folks? Try as we might, we never seem to be able to win at casinos, nor are we smart enough to come up with an excuse as creative as Yuan’s. Where does that leave us? Well, I do have a few tips that I shall share. I hope it helps. (If these do not work, do remember that there is a disclaimer somewhere in my blog.)
Firstly, there are some people out there (like me) who just can’t count to save their lives. You know who you are and here is what you need to do. Stay away from the cards for god’s sake. We do not need to see you trying to count up to 21 on your fingers and toes. If you haven’t realised by now, you have only got 20. Where are you going to find the extra digit? Huh?
What you should really do is to stick to the slots instead. All you have to do is pull a lever or press a button so you will hardly ever go wrong. The best part is…when all else fails, I personally find that if you consume enough alcohol and squint at just the right angle, everything looks like jackpot to you. That’s right, even the gorgeous lady or man seated next to you. Try it.
Right, that’s all I have. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to make a call to my geomancer. I need to go out but I don’t know if shutting the front door will change my luck in any way. I wouldn’t want to risk feng shui sabotaging myself. Maybe I should leave through the window. Oh, the dilemma of it all…
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The long overdue one
I woke up today feeling breathless and a little disoriented, and immediately I knew I had to get some things off my chest. So I pushed the pillows and a book I was reading off me. There. Much better... Now I can get back to that nagging thought in my head.
I had been having curiously unpleasant dreams these last couple of days, each dream as senseless as the next. My inner child must be trying to tell me something. But what? I thought of the one thing in my life that did not make any sense, and then it hit me. I had to write my mom. Yikes! So here goes…
Dearest Mom,
How are you? It is funny how I can still hear you from here.
“Not good! Why?!”
Some things you said the other day got me thinking, especially the particularly amusing remarks about my childhood. I realise now that you were right. I haven’t been appreciating you enough and it is time I started.
Here’s the thing. I am grateful. In your own unique way, you have been showering me with precious lessons on life. I have taken everything you have dished out all these years. The hurtful insults, the repeated abuse, your never-ending mind games and your overwhelming need to be in control. I guess these must have been your clever ways of helping me build character. The countless number of times I had to beg you to stop? I suppose you were just trying to teach me about humility. How could I not be grateful? You were the one who instilled so many good old fashioned values in me. I get it now.
What I am trying to say is this. Deep down I am truly thankful for all that you have done. If nothing, you have given me a purpose in life. Since I could remember, I have spent each day of my life working hard not to be like you. I know if I did, I would never have the strength to live with myself, the way you do. You are always saying that someday I will have kids to put me through the same things I put you through. Well, I am not entirely sure that is a bad thing, but I do wonder... Did grandma say the same to you too? Everyone around me tells me you need help. Advice that you so stubbornly refuse to accept.
I love you mom, with all my heart. I hope the day will come when you know what that means, and I hope it comes soon. For now though, I hope you will understand if someone asks and I say I was raised by wolves. It makes things so much easier for me, you see.
Till I hear from you again then. I miss you.
Love,
Your Daughter
I had been having curiously unpleasant dreams these last couple of days, each dream as senseless as the next. My inner child must be trying to tell me something. But what? I thought of the one thing in my life that did not make any sense, and then it hit me. I had to write my mom. Yikes! So here goes…
Dearest Mom,
How are you? It is funny how I can still hear you from here.
“Not good! Why?!”
Some things you said the other day got me thinking, especially the particularly amusing remarks about my childhood. I realise now that you were right. I haven’t been appreciating you enough and it is time I started.
Here’s the thing. I am grateful. In your own unique way, you have been showering me with precious lessons on life. I have taken everything you have dished out all these years. The hurtful insults, the repeated abuse, your never-ending mind games and your overwhelming need to be in control. I guess these must have been your clever ways of helping me build character. The countless number of times I had to beg you to stop? I suppose you were just trying to teach me about humility. How could I not be grateful? You were the one who instilled so many good old fashioned values in me. I get it now.
What I am trying to say is this. Deep down I am truly thankful for all that you have done. If nothing, you have given me a purpose in life. Since I could remember, I have spent each day of my life working hard not to be like you. I know if I did, I would never have the strength to live with myself, the way you do. You are always saying that someday I will have kids to put me through the same things I put you through. Well, I am not entirely sure that is a bad thing, but I do wonder... Did grandma say the same to you too? Everyone around me tells me you need help. Advice that you so stubbornly refuse to accept.
I love you mom, with all my heart. I hope the day will come when you know what that means, and I hope it comes soon. For now though, I hope you will understand if someone asks and I say I was raised by wolves. It makes things so much easier for me, you see.
Till I hear from you again then. I miss you.
Love,
Your Daughter
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