Someone recently said to me, “It’s getting heavy.” So I jumped at my chance of being supportive and promptly replied, “Really? Don’t worry, you still look fine. I didn’t even realise you put on any weight.”
Oh boy, if looks could kill… Of course she was talking about my blog, not herself. After all, she was staring so intently at her laptop and my blog was up on the screen. That should have been my biggest clue, shouldn’t it?
So after some dirty looks, my failed protests at innocence and countless apologies (Yes, I am so sorry. But still it was a little funny, no? Hehe. Okay then.), here I am trying to come up with something to make up for my moment of stupidity. I racked my brains, and I remembered something that deeply amused me. I was surfing the net a few days ago when I came across a news article like no other.
A Taiwanese man, surnamed Yuan, was threatening to sue a casino (Venetian) in Las Vegas for feng shui sabotage. Yuan claimed that the Venetian used feng shui to turn his luck, causing him to go from winning 400,000 US dollars to losing two million US dollars. How did the Venetian do that? By placing white towels in front of Yuan’s suite and turning on two large fans facing his room. Yuan filed a complaint and demanded the cancellation of his two-million-dollar debt.
Wow. I am impressed. This is the kind of man we want doing our ‘gambling addiction’ advertisements. Not the poor loser we keep having to watch on television all the time. You know…the guy who just can’t seem to stop borrowing money from his little daughter. After a while it just gets annoying, and seriously, how much money can a little kid have?
That got me thinking… what about us common folks? Try as we might, we never seem to be able to win at casinos, nor are we smart enough to come up with an excuse as creative as Yuan’s. Where does that leave us? Well, I do have a few tips that I shall share. I hope it helps. (If these do not work, do remember that there is a disclaimer somewhere in my blog.)
Firstly, there are some people out there (like me) who just can’t count to save their lives. You know who you are and here is what you need to do. Stay away from the cards for god’s sake. We do not need to see you trying to count up to 21 on your fingers and toes. If you haven’t realised by now, you have only got 20. Where are you going to find the extra digit? Huh?
What you should really do is to stick to the slots instead. All you have to do is pull a lever or press a button so you will hardly ever go wrong. The best part is…when all else fails, I personally find that if you consume enough alcohol and squint at just the right angle, everything looks like jackpot to you. That’s right, even the gorgeous lady or man seated next to you. Try it.
Right, that’s all I have. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to make a call to my geomancer. I need to go out but I don’t know if shutting the front door will change my luck in any way. I wouldn’t want to risk feng shui sabotaging myself. Maybe I should leave through the window. Oh, the dilemma of it all…
